There I was, once again, eagerly awaiting the review of my latest bloodwork. As my doctor entered the room, his expression conveyed a message I didn’t want to hear – it was time to consult a specialist as my condition exceeded his scope of practice.
Leaning in on Faith
The revelation of the test results confirmed what the doctor suspected, and what I had been in denial of: a diagnosis of CIRS (Chronic Inflammation Response Syndrome) stemming from mold toxicity. After three years of uncertainty and misdiagnoses, there, in that defining moment, oddly, was an answer to prayer.
Juggling the responsibilities of running my business, assisting clients, and adjunct faculty at a prestigious university while battling CIRS presented unique challenges that tested even the most resilient and faith-driven leader. The physical toll of the illness manifested in severe fatigue, cognitive decline, respiratory issues, eye infections, unexplained weight gain, skin problems, and bodily discomfort – significantly impacting my ability to function effectively. Initially thrown off balance by these symptoms, I struggled to navigate through many stages of my illness in full confidence.
Letting go and letting God has shown me what compassion looks and feels like.
The burden on my mind was heavy, but lightened by the unwavering support of a community rooted in faith. This community prayed for me and offered words of encouragement during this trying time. I continue to find solace in my faith and trust in the ultimate Healer.
Being Battle-Ready
The social stigma surrounding CIRS illness complicated my role of a coach and leader. There was pressure to conceal my struggles in order to maintain credibility with clients and team members, and authority with the broader community. The fear of appearing weak or incapable further complicated an already challenging situation. Balancing effective communication about my health while still projecting confidence and competence in my various roles has been a delicate dance. I remember when I heard myself utter the words, questioning whether I should meet with clients. Could I still exemplify being fully present, and deliver coaching at the level that is expected? Recognizing that the enemy was attempting to destroy me from the inside out, I turned to the Holy Spirit in an even deeper way for strength during coaching sessions, conversations, and student interactions. The battle was underway, and I quickly became battle-ready.
Open communication with coworkers (and family members) is crucial, as it allows for clear explanations of one’s condition and necessary helps. However, verbalizing these needs can be challenging for some individuals, especially when in my case, the brain has slowed, creating problems relaying and processing information. In such cases, seeking assistance from a trusted partner is essential. Breaking the silence on illness by sharing personal experiences can help raise awareness and foster a deeper understanding of these often overlooked and misunderstood conditions.
Doing the Hard Things
Recognizing the importance of seeking assistance from team members, peers, and colleagues is crucial when encountering difficulties. The workload can feel and/or become overwhelming if you have not acknowledged that ‘things’ are now different. Value was once placed on my ability to multi-task and execute quickly, with excellence. I have learned firsthand that trying to handle too much at once while battling my illness can lead to negative outcomes and setbacks.
Finding the right balance between taking on too much and seeking support remains a balancing act. Seeking help demonstrates humility and vulnerability, setting an example for others to follow. During tough times, reaching out for support is a powerful tool for overcoming obstacles together. I am grateful to have a supportive team that has stood by me when I needed them most, and have been patient with me when I’ve been plagued with my slow-moving brain and body. Being able to step back from tasks when necessary, asking for assistance when feeling overwhelmed, and allowing flexibility in scheduling me ‘in or out of the office’ has allowed me to experience compassion from those around me and practice self-compassion.
The Beatles Said it Best
With guidance from the Holy Spirit, embodying resilience, and adaptation has created a powerful mix for my comeback. Those who confront challenges like illness must remain steadfast, yet allow for flexibility. Overcoming adversity requires embracing change, learning from setbacks, and devising creative solutions for the unexpected. It’s important to recognize that your former ways of doing and being does not always equate to what is currently needed; therefore, adjust accordingly. Resilience allows me to persevere through tough times without losing sight of my objectives or principles. Adaptation empowers me to pivot, explore new avenues, and develop strategies that were previously not considered. By mastering these skills, I’ve learned to turn challenges into opportunities for personal growth and achievement while maintaining a forward-looking approach in the face of uncertainty and hardship. Whether it’s a health issue like CIRS or any other challenge, collaboration is crucial in advancing towards shared goals and vision.
While still in the process of healing, I remain optimistic that God will restore all that has been lost and scattered about. Believing that He guides my path and has intentional plans for my life gives me peace of mind. I am blessed to have been humbled, shown empathy, and compassion. His grace that is sufficient still allows me the great honor and privilege to continue the mission and advance the vision of Belem Leaders “with a little help from my friends.”
When was a time you experienced a ‘moldy’ situation? What or who did you lean in on for support?
Leave me a comment below!
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